A sound recording studio is amongst the most silent places on earth. It has no noise other than music and the singer’s voice. When there is no other noise, we can hear every single note, every change in pitch, every instrument, and the timbre and melody.

It is silence that enables us to listen immersively. 

Shut down the noise in the mind – The external world is noisy, but nothing compares to the noise inside our minds. The clanging of anxiety, the drums of disappointment, the squeaks of worry, and the thunderings of fear.

The mind continuously generates noise, and there is no on/off switch that we can use to turn off the noise. We have to learn to quieten our minds through meditation, mindfulness, deep breathing and other techniques. Once our own mind is quiet, we can focus our full attention on the speaker and absorb everything he says.

After silencing our mind, we need to silence the external world around us. Phones, laptops, and any other distractions must be silent and should not become a disturbance.  

Plan to listen – As you plan out your day, look at the meetings in your schedule. For each meeting, write down what are the most important parts, and who are the critical stakeholders you need to listen to. This will act as a reminder to listen, and gives you time to prepare yourself for listening by calming your mind and deleting the noise. Thus making space in it to welcome and receive all that is being said.

A cluttered mind is like an overflowing cupboard, you can’t fit in more clothes unless you make space.

Listening to the unsaid – Everything is not communicated in words. In fact words can be futile at times. Our smiles and our tears can communicate far more than words could ever do. Empathy enables us to listen to the unsaid. When we genuinely care about the other person, empathy will arise automatically. Many people engage only their ears, and hopefully their mind in listening.

Empathy engages the heart and soul also in listening

So, now you have ears, mind, heart and soul as the receivers. You can literally absorb twice as much with these instead of your ears and mind alone. 

Empathy means getting into the other person’s shoes, understanding his pain and seeing things from his perspective. Empathy makes us notice the sagging shoulders, the moist eyes, the quiet voice, the quivering voice, the beads of sweat, the sighs and the pauses. As also the sparkling eyes, the crackle of laughter, the excited tumbling out of words and the dance in the walk.

It then enables us to respond appropriately to these emotions. Don’t just respond with words. Respond with words and emotions.

Stress kills empathy. The more stressed you are, the less empathy you may feel. Stress is already consuming so much of you that you have very little left to give. Empathetic listening needs you to give yourseIf. It is clearly an act of giving. When you feel so depleted by stress, you struggle to give. And obviously stress causes a multifold increase in the noise in your mind too, further reducing your ability to listen.

Here are some self reflection questions which will prod and probe you towards becoming a better listener:

Self Reflection

  1. Make a list of the relationships, stakeholders and situations where you need to listen better. How will you practice silence and empathy with them?
  2. What will you do to reduce stress and plan for listening before entering into meetings?

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Image Source – Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash