The answer is more nuanced than a binary yes or no. Emotionally intelligent people differ from others in 2 ways:
1 — They get angry, but they don’t lose their temper. They feel the emotion of anger (it’s an important emotion for survival), but they know how best to channel and express that anger.
They do not lose control over themselves, and hence don’t end up regretting what they said or did. They are able to introspect and decide how to manage the situation towards a constructive solution, instead of further inflaming the conflict.
2 — They are not easily offended, which means that relative to other people they don’t feel angry so often. This is a very deep difference. One that has a huge impact on our happiness. Emotionally intelligent people have a strong self-esteem, instead of a fragile ego which takes offence at every possible trifle. They pick their battles very carefully, happily letting go of storms in teacups.
Their sharp discernment helps them separate “what matters most” from the rest, and that makes all the difference.
There is a story about a man spitting on Buddha. Buddha simply wiped his face and asked the man why he was in such deep pain. The first time I read this, I was zapped. Mere mortals like us cannot imagine such a calm response, and some of us might even say Buddha should have taken him to task.
But, I think that due to Buddha’s level of evolution or enlightenment, maybe he simply didn’t feel angry. His empathy levels were so enhanced, that in spite of being hurt himself, he was more concerned about the other person’s pain.
I also think that high levels of emotional intelligence start leading to spiritual intelligence.
Anyway, coming back to earth, here are some questions for you to ponder:
1 — How often do you lose your temper?
2 — How often do you regret losing it?
3 — What makes you angry? Are these things that really matter, or trifles? Can you sift out things that matter most, and let go of trifles?
4 — How will you channelise and manage your anger more effectively?
