A balanced meal needs different components of food like carbohydrates, proteins, fats, vitamins and minerals. Carbohydrates can’t do what protein can. Fat can’t do what vitamins can.

Each component has an important part to play, and cannot be dismissed. Similarly, happiness is also made up of components — work / meaning, relationships, money, health, hobbies, pleasure, leisure, fun etc.

The mistake we make is that we try to fulfil the empty parts of our happiness sphere by substituting other parts for them. The most common substitutes are relationships for work / meaning, work for emptiness in relationships, or overindulgence in pleasure for an overall emptiness.

When relationships are used to fill up our emptiness, there is too much burden placed on the other person and cracks start appearing. It’s literally like saying “You have to make me happy. It is your responsibility. And if you don’t make me happy, then I will hurt you”.

This mindset is fatal. Happiness is your own responsibility. You will have to do the heavy lifting to find happiness, if it’s not emerging effortlessly in your life.

I love this quote by Will Smith when he spoke about happiness in love “Her happiness is not my responsibility. She should be happy, and I should be happy individually. Then we come together and share our happiness. Giving someone a responsibility to make you happy when you can’t do it for yourself is selfish”

Similarly, overworking, overindulgence in pleasure will fizzle out in the long run. They will stop making you happy over time. Always remember that each component in the happiness sphere must be enriched for a truly rich life.

Distribute the weight of your expectations of happiness across these multiple components, instead of draining out life from relationships. Relationships are an extremely important component in happiness. It is foolish to deny this fact. Safeguard them from your own self too.

Here’s a question for you: I have cultivated multiple sources of happiness in my life, so that I don’t burden my relationships with unrealistic expectations — Yes / No

Good luck!